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Andropov "Most Likely to Drop Off" list

Dewhurst Turkey

Even if it's true I can't believe it ....

Even if it isn't true, I could believe it ...

Groucho Marx Vital Presence

Jesus Crucifixion Kit

Joanne Whalley "Top Thinking Man's Crumpet"

Karen Carpenter's Slimmer of the Year

Kevin Keegan "You Lucky, Lucky Bastard" Dodgy Qualification Certificate

Linda Lovelace "Going down, going down, going down" CD of Football Chants

Mike Tyson "Sensitive Nineties Man" Boxing Glove

Morecambe & Wise Disastrous Switch to ITV

Richard Branson "X for no publicity"

Ricky Tomlinson Armchair of Apathy

Spiderman "I'm back and this time I's stronger than ever" speech bubble

Stanley Baxter "Haven't you gone yet?"Casket

Terry Wogan Camera Shy

This Year's Next Year's "Last Year's Thing"

Uri Geller Bender of the Year

Zeppo Mark Superfluous Presence

Fiendish Words - editorial content


And so to the awards


Some new categories for 2001

Morecambe & Wise Disastrous Switch to ITV

Des Lynam & TV coverage of the Premiership.

Kevin Keegan "You lucky lucky bastard" dodgy qualification certificate

Sven Goran Erikson for that 94th minute equaliser against Greece

Ricky Tomlinson Armchair of Apathy: British electorate

... and some old categories carried over

This Year's Next Year's "Last Year's Thing"

1999 Internet company flotations
2001 Celebrity chefs

Stanley Baxter "Haven't you gone yet?" casket

1998 The Queen Mother
1999 Gregory Peck

2001 Bob Hope 

Mike Tyson "Sensitive Nineties Man" Boxing Glove

1998 Stan Collymore
1999 Gazza
2001 John Prescott

Dewhurst Turkey

1996 Atlanta Games
1997/8/9 Millennium Dome*
2001 Wembley Stadium

*This was to win the award on a rollover basis until at least the year 2003 but we feel compelled to recognise the ability of the Sports Council to drag out the Wembley fiasco even longer

Uri Geller Bender Of The Year

1983 Peter Tatchell
1988 Russell Harty
1992 Justin Fashanu
1993 Michael Portillo
1994 Richard Gere
1995 Michael Barrymore
1996 Dale Winton

1997 Peter Mandelson (we were well ahead of Mathew Parris on this one!)

1998 The "iron" Chancellor
1999 Quentin Crisp
2001 Jonathan King

("Iron" being cockney rhyming slang for a poof)

Karen Carpenter Slimmer Of The Year

1983 Lena Zavaroni
1988 Hirohito
1992 British Aerospace
1993 Princess Di
1994 British Coal
1995 British Gas Staff Pay Packets
1996 British Beef Industry

1997 Conservative Party
1998 England's chances of getting to Euro 2000
1999 Posh Spice
2001 Geri Halliwell

Richard Branson's "X" For No Publicity

1988 Linford Christie
1992 Fergie
1993 Princess Diana
1994 Prince Charles
1995 Richard Branson
1996 Fergie again

1997 Princess Di
1998 Richard Branson
1999 Ginger Spice (Geri Halliwell)
2001 Robbie Williams

Zeppo Marx Superfluous Presence Award

1988 Ian Rush
1992 Ross Perot
1993 Margaret Beckett
1994 Margaret Beckett
1995 John Lennon
1996 Ross Perot

1997 Princess Di's bodyguard
1998 William Hague
1999 Harry Enfield
2001 Robbie Fowler

Groucho Marx Vital Presence

Jaap Stam or Michael Owen

Joanne Whalley The lovely Joanne Whalley
Top (thinking man's) Crumpet

1986 Joanne Whalley
1988 Barbara Flynn
1992 Sharon Stone
1993 Louise Lombard (House of Elliott) (Kevin's choice) Marge Simpson (John's choice)
1994 Marina Sirtis (Counsellor Troy ST:tNG) Elizabeth Hurley
1995 Gillian Anderson (Kevin's choice) Sara Gilbert (John's choice)
1996 Jennifer Aniston (Kevin) Cameron Diaz (John)

1997 Alicia Silverstone
1998 Sara Cox & Helen Baxendale (Kevin), Louise Redknapp (John)
1999 Shania Twain
2001 Sally Phillips
(Kevin said this was "scraping the bottom of the barrel and then observed she reminded him of my wife.... Good old Mr. Diplomacy!)

Sally Phillips (Smack The Pony)

(Yes, I know you'd like us to put pictures of all these on the web page but then the page would take ages to load. With the exception of Barbara Flynn (Beiderbeck Tapes, A Very Peculiar Practice), Louise Lombard and maybe Sara Gilbert (Darlene in Roseanne) they are out there on the web; find 'em yourself)

Linda Lovelace "Going down, going down, going down" CD of Football Chants

1998 Charlton Athletic, Southampton, Nottingham Forest (two out of three)
1999 Sheffield Wednesday, Bradford City, Watford

2001 World Trade Centre

Terry Wogan Camera Shy

1992 Tony Slattery
1993 Angus Deayton
1994 Steve Coogan
1995 Anthea Turner
1996 Ulrika Johnson

1997 Carol Vorderman
1998 Carol Vorderman

1999 Gail Porter
2001 Graham bloody Norton

The ubiquitous Carol V. still ahead in the Camera Shy award

The Spiderman "I'm back and this time I'm stronger than ever" award to

1998 Saddam Hussein
1999 Michael Portillo

2001 Liberal Democrat Party

Jesus Christ Crucifixion Kit

1998 Ron Davies
1999 Jeffrey Archer
2001 Darius Danesh

Sunk Without Trace

1988 John Smith's leadership ambitions (heart attack)
1993 Michael Heseltine's leadership ambitions (heart attack)
1994 John Smith's Premiership ambitions (heart attack)
1995 Margaret Beckett
1996 The Ford Probe (again) Rob Newman

1997 Scottish Tory Party, Norman Lamont, various Tory leadership ambitions
1998 Jubilee Line
1999 Rover 75
2001 Chris Evans

The "Even if it isn't true I could believe it" award

1993 Michael Portillo (allegedly gay)
Michael Jackson (alleged child abuse)
1994 Dame Shirley Porter (allegedly [?] buying votes with houses)
1995 Mrs Thatcher's gone totally ga-ga (and had a stroke)
1996 BSE cover up by MAFF

1997 Princess Di was "taken out"
1998 Peter Mandelson allegedly gay*
1999 William Hague is allegedly gay (I assume all Conservatives are gay unless there is clear evidence to the contrary)
2001 British government policy on foot & mouth changed by fate of Phoenix the calf

* (See 1997's Bender of the Year award)

The "Even if it is true I can't believe it" award

1993 The end of the recession
1994 Michael Jackson's marriage
1995 Mike Atherton batting ten hours to save a test.
1996 Eurotunnel is safe and Michael Jackson getting his wife pregnant

1997 The Millennium Dome will make money
1998 George Graham manager of Spurs
1999 Kevin Keegan thinks England can win Euro 2000
2001 IRA decommissioning weapons

The Andropov most likely to drop off list for 2001

We’ve not been particularly good at spotting people on death’s door but at our last attempt (in 1999) we did have one inspired choice in David Tomlinson, and two fairly obvious ones in Sir John Gielgud and Barbara Cartland. We were a year early with Don Bradman.

This year we predict a visit from the Grim Reaper for the following:

Queen Mother (trad.), Ronald Reagan, Michael Foot, Spike Milligan, Alex Higgins, Dudley Moore, David Frost, Roy Hattersley, a footballer at the World Cup, Michael Barrymore


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