TTYF! SICK(ISH) REVIEW OF THE YEAR 1997
And
so to the awards
As seems to be
increasingly the case over the last few years we once
again struggle in nominating a fresh face to the Top
Thinking Man’s Crumpet award. The roll call seems to
vary little over the years, Gillian Anderson (1995) and
Cameron Diaz (1996) have already been mentioned as have
Pfeiffer, Teri Hatcher and Meg Ryan frequently in the
past. I must admit this year it's a struggle. Times are
hard - or not as the case may be.
TTYF! AWARDS - 1997
1983 Cecil Parkinson
1988 The Yuppie
1992 David Mellor
1993 Eldorado
1994 John Smith
1995 Yitshak Rabin
1996 English Cricket
1997 Princess Di
Stiffed of the Year
1995 Nick Leeson
1996 The Sun for the "Di" video
1997 John Major
Biggest Bang
1984 Grand Hotel
Brighton
1988 Lockerbie
1992 St Mary Axe (London)
1993 NatWest Tower (London)
1995 Oklahoma City
1996 Dunblane
1997 Thrust 2
I Can Handle
Drugs Certificate
1985 Phil Lynott
1988 Ben Johnson
1992 Jason Livingstone
1993 River Phoenix
1994 Paul Merson
1995 Leah Betts
1996 Sir Colin Corness Glaxo chairman (£1.407m )
1997 Michael Hutchence
I Can Handle
Drink Tankard
1996 Tony Adams
1997 Princess Di's Chauffeur
Warren Beatty
Trampoline Artist
1983 Cecil Parkinson
1989 Pamella Bordes
1992 David Mellor
1993 Tim Yeo
1994 Lady Bienvenida Buck
1995 Princess Di
1996 Ulrika Johnson
1997 Ulrika Johnson
1998 Anthea Turner
Dewhurst Turkey
1996 Atlanta Games
1997 Millennium Dome*
*This to win the award
on a rollover basis until at least the year 2003
Dewhurst
Butchers Of The Year
The
Algerians
Uri Geller
Bender Of The Year
1983 Peter Tatchell
1988 Russell Harty
1992 Justin Fashanu
1993 Michael Portillo
1994 Richard Gere
1995 Michael Barrymore
1996 Dale Winton
1997 Peter Mandelson (we were well ahead of Mathew Parris on this
one!)
Mike Gatting
"One Law For One"
1988 Spurs (League
fine)
1992 Mike Gatting
1993 Roger Levett
1994 Spurs (League fine)
1995 Cedric Brown (Pay Rise)
1996 The Maxwell Brothers
1997 Jack Straw
Karen Carpenter
Slimmer Of The Year
1983 Lena Zavaroni
1988 Hirohito
1992 British Aerospace
1993 Princess Di
1994 British Coal
1995 British Gas Staff Pay Packets
1996 British Beef Industry
1997 Conservative Party
Richard
Branson's "X" For No Publicity
1988 Linford Christie
1992 Fergie
1993 Princess Diana
1994 Prince Charles
1995 Richard Branson
1996 Fergie again
1997 Princess Di
Zeppo Marx
Superfluous Presence Award
1988 Ian Rush
1992 Ross Perot
1993 Margaret Beckett
1994 Margaret Beckett
1995 John Lennon
1996 Ross Perot
1997 Princess Di's bodyguard
Joanne Whalley
Top
(thinking man's) Crumpet
1986 Joanne Whalley
1988 Barbara Flynn
1992 Sharon Stone
1993 Louise Lombard (House of Elliott) (Kevin's choice)
Marge Simpson (John's choice)
1994 Marina Sirtis (Counsellor Troy ST:tNG) Elizabeth
Hurley
1995 Gillian Anderson (Kevin's choice) Sara Gilbert
(John's choice)
1996 Jennifer Aniston (Kevin) Cameron Diaz (John)
1997 Alicia Silverstone
(Yes, I know you'd like
us to put pictures of these on the web page but then the
page would take ages to load. With the exception of
Barbara Flynn (Beiderbeck Tapes, A Very Peculiar
Practice), Louise Lombard and maybe Sara Gilbert (Darlene
in Roseanne) they are out there on the web; find 'em
yourself)
Terry Wogan Camera Shy
1992 Tony Slattery
1993 Angus Deayton
1994 Steve Coogan
1995 Anthea Turner
1996 Ulrika Johnson
1997 Carol Vorderman
The Mrs Thatcher "Thanks
awfully for boycotting the Moscow Olympics to get us
re-elected but that was sixteen years ago " plastic
mug has been replaced by the Tony Blair "Thanks
awfully for voting us in but that was seven months
ago" plastic rose and in keeping with this new
governments desire to create more winners is won this
year by
the miners, single parents,
the disabled, pensioners and students*
*
The rest of the
population get to win it next year
The "Here
Today, Going Down (nudge, nudge) Tomorrow" Award to
The
Spice Girls
Mass Dead Award
(and unfortunate timing of ad campaign) to
Egyptian
Tourist Board
Emperor
Hirohito's Award for British Industry and safe sex Kleenex to The
Koreans (pulling out everywhere)
Porky Pig’s
"ber-ber-ber-that's NOT all folks" Snout in the
Trough
City
dealers back on form
Most Offensive
Away Kit
Newcastle
United
The Spiderman "I'm back and this time
I'm stronger than ever" award to
Allan
Clark, Cecil Parkinson
10th Jesus
Christ Crucifixion Kit
Neil
Hamilton
Harold Wilson
"Quit while you're ahead" pipe to
1996
Several dozen Conservative MPs "not standing"
at the next election
1997 Eric Cantona
Sunk Without Trace
1988 John Smith's
leadership ambitions (heart attack)
1993 Michael Heseltine's leadership ambitions (heart
attack)
1994 John Smith's Premiership ambitions (heart attack)
1995 Margaret Beckett
1996 The Ford Probe (again) Rob Newman
1997 Scottish Tory Party, Norman Lamont, various Tory
leadership ambitions
Kenneth Baker
Brylcreem bottle for being Unspeakably Smug
David
Beckham
The "Even
if it isn't true I could believe it" award
1993 Michael Portillo
(allegedly gay)
Michael Jackson (alleged child abuse)
1994 Dame Shirley Porter (allegedly [?] buying votes with
houses)
1995 Mrs Thatcher's gone totally ga-ga (and had a stroke)
1996 BSE cover up by MAFF
1997 Princess Di was "taken out"
The "Even
if it is true I can't believe it" award
1993 The end of the
recession
1994 Michael Jackson's marriage
1995 Mike Atherton batting ten hours to save a test.
1996 Eurotunnel is safe and Michael Jackson getting his
wife pregnant
1997 The Millennium Dome will make money
Back From The
Dead Award
That
guy in/under the yacht
The John Major
"not quite up to the mark" award has
been won by William Hague
a
vacated position due to the Graham Taylor
"nowhere near good enough for the job" award going to
Harriet Harman
who
only just fails to win the Michael Foot
greatest political disaster of the year award
courtesy of the Conservative performance on May 1st
Mrs Thatcher's
Businessman of the Year Award has
been renamed the Tony Blair Businessmen of the Year Award and the
winner is Bernie Ecclestone
Michael Jackson
Baby-sitter of the Year award to Gary
Glitter
The Andropov
most likely to drop off list for 1998
Carried over from
1996/7
Queen Mother, Ronald
Reagan, Eric Sykes, Sir Alf Ramsey, Bob Hope, Frank
Sinatra, Enoch Powell, Ian Paisley, Denis Thatcher, Sir
John Geilgud, Michael Foot, Jim Callaghan, Gerald Ford,
Ian McGregor (that yank who crucified the miners), Boris
Yeltsin, Spike Milligan, The Pope, Barbara Cartland,
Billy Idol, Tommy Lee Jones
plus new for 97/98
Donald
Bradman, Alex Higgins
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